What's missing?

What if obtaining love or attention, in any form, was as easy as pressing the enter button on your computer? The world we live in today is so technology-based that many people probably wish it was this easy. The truth of the matter is people are starved for attention. We try to gain the attention of our peers, teachers, parents, co-wokers, and even complete strangers on a daily basis. People want attention and will find a way of getting it, whether it's good or bad. But the question is why have traditions changed? Why have people changed?

To answer that, we have to start from the beginning; before all the fancy gadgets and modern technology. I like to call it: Pre-tech era. Before television was invented, people had to rely on each other for fun. Kids would get together and play outside or even create their own games like bat-the-can, which was a simple form of baseball.

Life was considered "cookie cutter" Mom stayed home and watched the children while dad went off to work. Dinner was on the table by 5 p.m. every night and then the family would sit around the radio together and listen to the news or radio dramas/comedies. Life was good. The reason it was probably so good was because the parents (and kids) did not have any distractions. Plus, no one knew anything other than the life they lived. They had no clue about technology because it didn't exist, and these families managed to get through life just fine without it.

So then why did people change? With the invention of all things technical, people became crazed to get the latest and greatest thing. The standard saying, "Keeping up with the Joneses" turned into who can surpass the Joneses faster! Technology grew, lives grew, homes grew, but while those things grew bigger, quality family time grew smaller. Families are too distracted with their phones, computers, and televisions to realize that the people that matter most are not getting the attention they deserve.

In Alone Together, author Sherry Turkle touches on nostalgia of the youth in chapter fourteen. The issues she raised in this particular chapter dealt more with children's feelings on their parent's addiction with technology. How often can you think back in the past week, or even the past day, about when you saw a parent figure too entwined with their phone to watch the child with them? Children that grew up with all this technology should be used to it by now. So, why are they yearning for the days before computers and smart phones?

If these children don't know the difference in life before technology, how will they know they like it better than now? There's a few reasons I can think. One is that the children used technology itself to "Google" how life was back in the day, pre-tech era. Another theory is maybe they heard stories from their grandparents who talked about how they had to walk back and forth, five miles to school, in the snow, uphill and don't realize how good they have it now.

But do they have it good, or better then their grandparents? In a way, inventions are great. They invention of new medical machines and medicine helped the general life-span of the average person. Cures for certain illnesses weren't around fifty or one-hundred years ago.

But the invention of technology such as cell phones-good or bad? Well, the answer is both. However, according to many teens in Sherry Turkle's book, the answer is bad. These teenagers have a nostalgia for a time period in life that they never knew. They are constantly being ignored by their friends, and much worse, by their parents.

If mom or dad is too busy texting or emailing through their phone, then they just don't have that one-on-one connection with their child. The problem with these gadgets is they can go anywhere and everywhere the parents do. They go on family vacations, to the playground, and even to dinner. They know no boundaries.


The problem that children face today is that they have to battle not only with their parents going off to work or out with friends, but also with mobile devices. Kids already act out in different ways to get their parents attention and it seems for this young generation, the attention is less and less each day; thus causing the children to act out even more.

When I was watching The Real Housewives of Orange County a few seasons back, one of the mothers on the show was giving her two teenage daughters everything they wanted, except punishment. The fifteen year old began staying out late, drinking, getting mixed in with the wrong crowd and back-talking her parents. The mother could not control her because she wanted her daughter to see her as a friend, not a parent. All the daughter wanted was to be grounded.

Weird, right? What teenager WANTS to be grounded? The issue was that the daughter was trying to get the mother's attention, but her actions still didn't work. This is a vicious cycle that will continue until people realize they need to put down the phone and interact with their friends and family. Kids don't want to tell their parents to get off their phones because the children know they are just as guilty of constantly using their own phones.

I get so frustrated when I'm meeting a group of friends that I haven't seen in a few months and we're all sitting at a table in the middle of a restaurant and I look up and see every person on their phone. What is the point of catching up on each other's lives if we aren't going to talk? I often wonder what life would be like if all things technical and electrical stopped working...just for one week. I don't think people would know what to do with themselves. We rely so much on other people for tasks as simple as grocery shopping that I really do not think the majority of the population could figure out how to live off the land. Imagine if your car broke down and your cell phone didn't work. Back in the 70s and 80s (and even early 90s) you had to flag a ride from a stranger. People would gasp at the thought now, and that wasn't even twenty years ago!

Can you keep a secret?

In today's social groups, gossip quickly becomes the root of all conversations, and evil. Do you ever wonder why or how we get caught up in gossiping so easily? I can confess that even though I try to avoid the "drama" that comes with everyday life, I've found myself caught up in my share of gossip. But what can we do to prevent getting sucked into this lifestyle? And furthermore, where can we share our deepest feelings without threat that a friend might spread them around or give us negative feedback that we don't want to hear?

When we vent to our friends, family, or spouse, we expect them to listen intently. However, we don't want their feedback unless it's to tell us we're right in whatever situation it might be. If the person we're venting to doesn't agree with us, then this could become a precursor to a fight. Some people try to find alternate ways to relieve problems like writing them down on paper, then crumbling (or tearing) the paper up and throwing it in the trash. Others keep diaries and some people use online blogs to voice their frustrations or opinions. There's an even newer online fad that has more people signing on. Websites that are created strictly for sharing your feelings, and even better, darkest secrets.

There are websites like Noteful, Confessions, and PostSecret that help people vent online. Since I've never heard of these sites until now, I decided to take a look at a few of the secrets that people posted. One on PostSecret reads: "My first rescue dog really did rescue me. Saving his life and the lives of my other dogs has kept me from taking my own". That is really deep! When I first heard about these sites, I was in shock. I thought to myself, "who would actually post a secret online...that seems so stupid". Pardon me for assuming the worst right off the bat because I was wrong.

I can completely understand why these people are posting their secrets. Although I have many of my own secrets and can't imagine ever sharing them on the Internet (some things you take to the GRAVE with you), I believe that letting out those emotions in any form has to feel better then keeping them bottled inside. After reading through these websites, I've noticed a pattern. These people are battling depression, anxiety, low self esteem/poor self image, and some are as simple as having a bad day.

Some secret websites allow other people to comment on the post. In reading about true confessions in Alone Together, I found that people actually enjoy hearing the opinions of complete strangers. Though the comments can be brutal, the person that posted the secret feels a sense of gratification knowning that someone read the secret and took the time to reply. It's an emotional investment by the person posting the secret. Whether they really care about what the stranger thinks, there is still an emotional vulnerability. Another good fact about posting secrets is your identity can remain a secret. The people reading and commenting can also choose to remain private.

Even though this is not a confessional website, I find myself replying to Yahoo! Answers.  At first, I felt like people might not like my answers, but once I started getting voted "best answer", I posted more and more. I eventually changed from anonymous to showing my screen name. I felt like I no longer had to "hide" behind my computer.

One secret I can divulge is that I battled with depression a few years ago. It was a feeling that I couldn't explain because I didn't understand what was wrong with me. I stayed inside most days with the black curtains blocking the sunlight out of my room. I slept a lot and lost a lot of weight. I painted my nails black and wore heavy black eyeliner. It took me a long time to open up enough to talk about it. When I realized that I could help people in my life through the experience I went through, I was very willing to discuss my depression. I I'll never know if one of these secret confessional websites would have helped me through those times, but I'd like to think maybe it would.

You never know what kind of day someone is having. It might just take a quick kind word or action to change their entire mood. I found this on PostSecret, and thought what a great idea!

I found this on my car after I came out of a store. It helped make a grumpy day a little brighter.
Thank you whoever you are! - Post Secret

A radio station in my area has a task they ask every listener to perform. When you are going through a drive-thru for your morning coffee or biscuit, purchase the order for the car behind you. This small act of kindness can mean the world to someone and really change the outlook of their day. A quote I really love that everyone should follow: "I always just thought if you see somebody without a smile, give 'em yours!" - Dolly Parton

Don't call me, just text!

In the book Alone Together, Turkle discussed how using the telephone is outdated. Many of the teens she interviewed felt that text messaging was a more factual and quicker way to talk to friends. The other upside to text messaging is the fact that people have the upper hand in the message. There is no need to reply instantly to a text. You have the option of thinking and rethinking the message you want to send before you send it.

This is completely opposite compared to a phone call because when you are physically speaking to someone, you do not have that time to filter what comes out of your mouth. When I think about which I prefer, I would say it just depends. I do not mind talking on the phone, but if I busy or do not have a lot of time to spend "filling gaps" on a phone conversation, then I will send a text message. Also, a quick text to someone shows that person you care about or are thinking about them.

Even though most of the teens in Turkle's book preferred text messaging to phone calls, one high school senior stated he probably needed to start getting used to making a phone call instead of texting. Since he was about to graduate high school, he felt that he needed to build up phone skills and confidence as he prepared to enter college.

When I think about it, teenagers are much different now then when I was one; and it wasn't that long ago! When I was in high school, we had cell phone...the basic kind that made phone calls and sent text messages. We did not have "smart phones", and we were okay with that. My friends and I spent most of our time outside and only used our phones when necessary. We didn't get caught texting in class like most teens now.

By the late 1800s, Alexander Graham Bell made the telephone a reality for Americans as well as the rest of the world. With the addition of long-distance from AT&T, people were excited to have the ability to call someone in Japan if they wanted to. The telephone was a new and fascinating concept to people. Now, it seems as though we've transitioned back to the days of Morse Code (how I view text messages).


The younger generation is going to have to start communicating through phone calls. That is an important skill they need for the rest of their life. It helps build confidence and etiquette. Having the ability to communicate well will help with potential jobs. Most teens feel the way they use phones for non-verbal communication is just fine. There are many issues the evolve with text messaging in teens. Below is a short video that describes what health issues too much texting can cause with teens.

Who are you online?

Have you often wondered who you are online? Or who you are talking to online if it is a stranger? Is it really who you think it is? These questions are answered by taking a look at the simple facts. In Sherry Turkle's book, she answers this through a number of scenarios.

Turkle starts off with a story about fifty-seven-year-old Leonora who is a busy chemistry professor. Leonora discusses how she uses email to communicate with friends and family. She struggles to make face-time with the important people in her life, so Leonora has to schedule appointments with her friends, sometimes months in advance.

Even though this might seem like an unconventional doctor's appointment type of approach, I often find myself getting sucked into this scenario. Life gets too hectic and when many people are pulling at you from different directions, it's often easier to push them off with an email reading: Let's get together the week after next. At least this buys some time in case I need to reschedule or cancel.

The next person brought up in the book is Audrey; a sixteen-year-old high school junior. Audrey is described as a shy individual who always communicates through her phone. Since her parents are divorced, Audrey gets tugged in two different directions with each parents asking her to pass a message along to the other. She describes this as her parent's way of using her like a computer and says, "I am their IM".

Audrey also shares her feelings about social sites, such as Facebook. This is where she can create a "twin", which is the better version of herself. The online, but real version. Her Facebook twin is who she wants to be and how she wants people to perceive her. She constantly has to reshape herself and sometimes that is done through removing photos. This is where Audrey struggles a bit. She explains that is Facebook were no longer around, she would literally freak out. When she removes a photo, she assumes that people can no longer view that photo, which worries her. She feels a false sense of comfort, however, when she thinks that the Internet is one big archive and the picture is never really gone.

The issue that arises with the online version of one's self is a dangerous one. Too many people are getting addicted to Facebook and other social media sites. Addiction in itself becomes a huge issue when you don't realize you are out of control. Recently, the CNN Newsroom in Atlanta, Georgia was broken into by a teenager. All he wanted to do was check his Facebook account, but is now facing major charges.

There are several other dangers to the online world, which is why parents should monitor their teens' social sites. In the book, Audrey explains her most emotional experience on a social networking site. While she was a sophomore in high school, she met a group of Italian exchange students. Since she already took a year of the Italian language, the students introduced her to Italian Myspace where she was able to set up a basic profile. She describes this version of herself as, "older and more experienced". Audrey received a lot of messages from Italian men and was overjoyed. She assumes that since the men are in Italy and she's in America, there is no harm in replying to the messages. She gets a thrill out of it.

The danger is prominent. What most teenagers, especially young women, don't realize is you don't need to have your personal info on the networking site in order for someone to find you. The Internet is a large book of knowledge and all you need is a name and basic location for someone to track you down. There are too many stalkers, child-molesters, and kidnappers just waiting on someone to post one personal thing so they can step in. Below is a short video on just how easy it is for a random person to obtain your info through Facebook.

Cyborg Life Matters

After reading chapter eight in Sherry Turkle's book Alone Together, I can't help but think back to a reading from last semester. There is a connection between Turkle's writing and Donna Haraway's Cyborg Manifesto. Both are addressing the harsh reality that man/woman is becoming machine; A hybrid of a simple human organism mixing with machine. In Turkle's work, she reminisces about a time she spent with seven researchers from MIT in 1996. Back in those days, people using emails, cellphones, and instant connectivity were considered cyborgs. This sort of technology was unheard of, but within a few short years would become most every one's reality.

So then what is a cyborg? Most people think of action movies where robots take over everything, or movies like The Terminator. At the time Turkle was meeting with the MIT students, all technology was considered a new venture. Back in the 90s, most might think people with computers were tech-geeks that sat alone in their basement surrounded by the gadgets of the future.

The truth is anyone can be classified as a cyborg. Anyone, I should say, that has an extra limb of technology that extends from their body. For most, that could easily be a cell phone or bluetooth capability. As I type this, I'm on my computer, have my cell phone to the right of me and my Kindle to my left. The future is about multi-tasking and what better way to do so than with "fancy" gadgets.

According to Turkle's writing, she hesitated to conform with society. She pushed technology away for as long as she could, but eventually accepted it. Turkle talked about the warm memories she felt at an instant by looking at pictures of her daughter on her cell phone, or reading her daughter's text messages. It's amazing how we can feel so alone, but still have an emotional attachment to a machine; something that is not even capable of "feeling" back.

To people now, becoming a cyborg is natural. The link between never being alone, when you are really alone is astronomical. There's an idea that people are constantly connected without having to communicate in real-time. A text message is a quick way to let someone know you are thinking about them without having to take time to make a phone call and have the feeling that you are stuck talking for a long time. To some people, they might feel trapped when on a phone call. They cannot think quickly enough to respond with an appropriate answer when speaking to someone. Emails and text messages put the conversation a non-emergency status.


For most, checking emails right before bedtime is also becoming a habit. The problem this creates is never getting restful sleep. If you are checking your phone, laptop, etc. right before bed, then all that will be on your mind is what you read last. That could be a work issue that you have to deal with or worry about all night. This could lead to insomnia or anxiety.

Have you ever thought about what you would do without the technology you use everyday? Sometimes, I leave my phone somewhere that I cannot see or hear it. I will leave it alone for a few hours just so I can get some peace! This brings all new meaning to vacationing as well. If we are "always on" then when are we supposed to kick back and relax?